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I Kept Asking Go The Same Question

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I have asked God the same question more times than I care to admit. Not because the question was especially complicated. I just kept hoping the answer might change. There was a decision I needed to make, and for a while I genuinely didn't know what to do. So I prayed about it. I thought about it. I talked with someone I trusted. I prayed some more. Nothing unusual there. Eventually, though, one direction started making considerably more sense than the other. I didn't like it. So I continued asking. “God, please show me what to do.” A few days later. “Father, I really need Your direction here.” Then again. “God, make this clear.” At some point I had to admit that clarity might not be the problem anymore. I simply preferred the other answer. That happens to me more than I'd like. I Like Options I was looking for a tool at a hardware store once and found three versions of basically the same thing. One was cheap. One was expensive. The third one seemed to exist primarily to mak...

The Prayer I Kept Avoiding Because I Knew What God Might Ask Me To Do

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I knew I needed to make a phone call. The number had been sitting in my contacts for days. Nothing catastrophic had happened, nobody was threatening anybody, and there wasn't some enormous family feud worthy of its own television series. I'd simply handled something badly, knew I'd handled it badly, and didn't particularly want to hear myself admit it out loud. So naturally I prayed about other things. Quite a few things, actually. I prayed for my family. I prayed about work. I prayed for somebody who was having a difficult time. I thanked God for several things and probably found another legitimate request or two hiding somewhere in my head. Very productive prayer. Except for the phone call. I knew what was happening too. That's what made it worse. There are times when we don't know what God wants us to do. I've experienced plenty of those. This wasn't one of them. I knew. I just didn't want to do it. There Are Prayers That Feel A Little Dangerous “...

The Prayer I Need Before I Open My Mouth

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I answered too quickly the other day. The question wasn't difficult. Nobody was trying to corner me. Somebody asked if I could do something, and before I'd really thought about what was involved, I heard myself saying, “Yeah, I can do that.” Then came the details. Of course there were details. A date I hadn't considered. Preparation I hadn't considered. Another commitment I'd completely forgotten about until roughly thirty seconds after agreeing. I walked away thinking, Why didn't you just say, “Let me think about it”? Apparently those five words are much harder for me than they should be. I've prayed about major decisions before. I've prayed about where to go, what to do, whether to move forward with something, whether to wait. What I haven't done nearly enough is pray about my mouth before the decision comes out of it. Some Of My Problems Started With A Sentence That's uncomfortable to admit. Not every stressful situation in my life was imposed...

I Don't Want To Only Pray When Something Is Wrong

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I noticed something about myself that I didn't particularly like. I'm really good at praying when there's a problem. Give me uncertainty and suddenly I'm talking to God all day. A difficult phone call coming up? I'm praying. Somebody I love is struggling? Praying. Something happens financially that I wasn't expecting? I'm probably praying before I've even figured out exactly what happened. Then things settle down. Everybody seems okay. Nothing urgent is happening. And somehow I get quieter. I don't deliberately decide I need God less. It isn't like I wake up and think, “Everything's going pretty well, Father, I'll take it from here.” But sometimes that's basically how I live. That bothers me. I Realized It On A Completely Normal Day Nothing happened. That's actually why I remember it. I had finished some work, taken care of a couple of things around the house, answered messages, and gone outside to deal with something I'd been...

The Names I Wasn't Bringing To God

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I noticed something about my prayers recently that I didn't particularly like. There was a lot of me in them. My decisions. My family. Things I needed wisdom about. People I wanted God to help because whatever they were dealing with affected me too. Even some of my prayers for other people, if I'm being completely fair, eventually wandered back toward how their situation was making my life harder. I don't think there's anything wrong with bringing our own needs to God. Jesus told us to ask. Scripture is full of people doing exactly that, sometimes very urgently. But I started wondering when I'd last spent any real time praying for somebody who couldn't do anything for me. That question hung around. A few days later I was waiting for someone outside a medical building. People kept coming through the sliding doors, some moving quickly, some slowly, and one older man came out carrying one of those clear plastic hospital bags with his belongings inside. He sat on a ...

The Days I Pray and Still Feel Distracted

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I wish I could say that when I sit down to pray, everything else politely leaves my mind. It doesn't. A few mornings ago I started praying and, maybe two minutes in, remembered that I needed to order a replacement part for something. I have no idea why my brain decided prayer was the ideal moment to bring this up. I hadn't thought about the part since the previous afternoon. I tried to ignore it. Then I started wondering whether I'd written down the model number. Back to prayer. Thirty seconds later I remembered somebody I needed to call. This is not unusual. For years I felt mildly guilty about it because I had an idea of what serious prayer was supposed to look like. You sit somewhere quiet, concentrate on God, pray with great faith, and presumably don't spend part of the time wondering whether you remembered to put the garbage bins out. My actual prayer life has rarely been that cooperative. There are good mornings, of course. Sometimes I open my Bible and one passag...

When You Don't Know What To Pray Anymore

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A few years ago I was standing in the middle of a Home Depot when my phone rang. I had a sheet of plywood measurements folded in my pocket, sawdust still stuck to one sleeve, and I was already irritated because the thing I’d planned to finish that afternoon was taking twice as long as it should have. The person calling gave me news about someone I cared about, and within about thirty seconds the plywood didn’t matter anymore. I remember hanging up and continuing to stand there. People were walking around me pushing those oversized carts that never seem to steer straight, somebody nearby dropped something metal, and an employee asked whether I needed help finding anything. I said no, although at that particular moment I probably needed help finding several things that weren't sold in the building. I wanted to pray . Nothing came. That bothered me because prayer is a significant part of my life. I’ve prayed publicly, privately, with people, for people, when things were going wonderfu...