I Kept Asking Go The Same Question

I have asked God the same question more times than I care to admit.

Not because the question was especially complicated.

I just kept hoping the answer might change.

There was a decision I needed to make, and for a while I genuinely didn't know what to do. So I prayed about it. I thought about it. I talked with someone I trusted. I prayed some more.

Nothing unusual there.

Eventually, though, one direction started making considerably more sense than the other.

I didn't like it.

So I continued asking.

“God, please show me what to do.”

A few days later.

“Father, I really need Your direction here.”

Then again.

“God, make this clear.”

At some point I had to admit that clarity might not be the problem anymore.

I simply preferred the other answer.

That happens to me more than I'd like.

I Like Options

I was looking for a tool at a hardware store once and found three versions of basically the same thing.

One was cheap.

One was expensive.

The third one seemed to exist primarily to make the expensive one look reasonable.

I stood there comparing them much longer than the purchase deserved.

Picked one up.

Put it back.

Read the package again.

Walked a few feet away.

Came back.

A man beside me eventually grabbed one of them and left.

I remember thinking, Well, apparently that guy knows how to live.

I can turn small decisions into research projects.

Bigger decisions are worse.

There is something comforting about keeping every option available. Once you choose, one road becomes real and the others start disappearing.

I don't always like that.

Sometimes what I call asking God for direction is partly my reluctance to close a door myself.

I want God to close it so thoroughly that I can't possibly be responsible for choosing.

Preferably with a sign.

Maybe a very specific email.

Something unmistakable.

That would be nice.

Gideon Probably Hasn't Helped Us As Much As We Think

I've heard plenty of Christians mention Gideon's fleece when trying to make a decision.

I've probably done it too.

“If this happens, then I'll know.”

The problem is that I can invent signs for almost anything.

If they call today, I'll move forward.

If they don't call, I'll wait.

Unless they call tomorrow.

Then maybe tomorrow was God's timing.

You can keep this going for quite a while.

I'm not making fun of anyone who has asked God for confirmation. There have been moments in my own life when circumstances came together in ways I couldn't ignore.

But I don't think God promised me a customized signal every time I need to make a decision.

Sometimes there isn't a fleece.

Sometimes I have Scripture, prayer, wisdom, people I trust, the information available to me, and a decision that still needs to be made.

I find that much less exciting.

I Once Waited For Certainty That Never Came

This particular decision wasn't enormous.

Nobody's life depended on it.

But it mattered enough that I wanted to make the right choice, and I kept waiting for that internal moment where everything would suddenly feel settled.

It never came.

One option made more sense.

I still had doubts.

I prayed.

Still had doubts.

I waited another day.

Same thing.

Eventually I made the decision while still uncertain.

I wish more Christian stories included that part.

We tend to tell them afterward.

Once we know how things worked out, the path looks much straighter than it felt while we were walking it.

I've probably done that myself.

“I really felt God leading me.”

True.

I also wondered whether I was making a mistake.

Also true.

Those two things can apparently occupy the same person.

Wisdom Doesn't Always Feel Supernatural

James 1:5 says, “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God.”

I love that verse.

I've prayed it many times.

I think I used to expect wisdom to feel more dramatic, though.

Something would click.

A verse would leap off the page.

I'd wake up knowing.

Sometimes that happens.

Other times wisdom has looked suspiciously like common sense.

Can we afford this?

Is this person trustworthy?

Have I made this same mistake before?

What did I already promise?

What will this decision require from my family?

Am I doing this because it's wise or because somebody else's life looks interesting from a distance?

Those aren't spectacular questions.

They've saved me trouble.

My Wife Has Occasionally Known Before I Did

That's another humbling part.

I've prayed about something, talked about it at length, explained every angle, and my wife has said something fairly simple that I didn't want to hear.

Then I go away and continue praying.

Perhaps God will provide a second opinion.

Sometimes He does.

Unfortunately, the second opinion occasionally sounds a lot like the first one.

There are people who know us well enough to recognize our patterns.

They remember what happened last time.

They know which ideas tend to excite us for forty-eight hours.

They know when we're tired.

They can hear the difference between genuine conviction and me trying to sell myself something.

I don't automatically assume another person's advice is God's answer.

Nobody gets that kind of control over my decisions.

But if I ask wise people what they think and then become irritated because they don't confirm what I already wanted, that probably tells me something.

Not necessarily about the decision.

Maybe about me.

There Have Been Times God Really Did Seem Quiet

I don't want to pretend every unanswered question is secretly an answer we dislike.

Some situations are genuinely confusing.

I've prayed about things where both choices looked reasonable.

I've asked God for direction and received nothing I could confidently identify as direction.

No strong sense either way.

No Scripture that settled it.

No unusual circumstance.

Nothing.

Those seasons can be frustrating.

I don't know why God sometimes allows that.

Maybe occasionally there isn't one tiny correct choice hidden among a dozen wrong ones.

I said maybe.

I don't know.

There are decisions I made years ago where I still couldn't tell you whether I chose the absolute best possible option.

Life continued.

God was still faithful.

That's about all I can say.

I Have Also Changed My Mind After Praying

That's important because persistence in prayer isn't stubbornness.

Sometimes I keep bringing something to God because I really am waiting.

Circumstances change.

New information arrives.

Something I hadn't considered becomes obvious.

There have been times when my initial direction changed completely.

So I don't want to make a rule that says, “If you've prayed three times, stop asking.”

That would be ridiculous.

Jesus taught persistence in prayer.

I need persistence.

But I also need enough honesty to notice when I'm not waiting on God anymore.

I'm negotiating.

There's a difference.

I usually know it eventually.

One Of My Questions Became A Different Question

Instead of continuing to ask, “God, what should I do?” I finally asked:

“Why don't I want to do what already seems wise?”

That changed the conversation.

The answer wasn't flattering.

Part of it was pride.

Part was inconvenience.

There was also a little fear mixed in.

And one reason that made perfect sense and deserved consideration.

That's usually how these things are for me. Not one clean motive. Several motives piled together, some decent and some less so.

It would be easier if everything inside us came clearly labeled.

PRIDE.

WISDOM.

FEAR.

FAITH.

Unfortunately, they sometimes sound remarkably similar in my own head.

That's one reason I need God.

Daily Prayer Hasn't Made Me Brilliant At Decisions

I still overthink things.

I still occasionally ask somebody for advice after I've already decided what I hope they'll say.

I still want certainty that God hasn't promised.

And I can still pray a very sincere prayer while quietly leaning on the scale.

But daily prayer has made it harder for me to hide from myself indefinitely.

You can keep something away from God in theory, but sitting before Him regularly has a way of making that increasingly awkward.

Eventually I hear what I'm saying.

“Please guide me.”

Then why am I refusing to consider that?

“Give me wisdom.”

Then why did I ignore what that person said?

“Show me what to do.”

Would I actually do it?

That last question can sit there for a while.

I Made The Decision

The one I mentioned at the beginning.

I eventually stopped asking for another answer and moved forward with the direction that had been sitting in front of me for a while.

Was it spectacular?

No.

Did I immediately receive confirmation that I'd chosen correctly?

Also no.

For a little while I still wondered.

Then other things needed my attention and life moved on.

Months later, I can see some reasons the decision was good.

There are also things about the other option I still wonder about.

I think I'm okay with that.

I used to believe God's guidance would always remove uncertainty before I moved.

Now I think there have been times when I was waiting for a level of certainty I simply wasn't going to receive.

There's another decision I'm praying about now.

Different situation.

Different stakes.

And this time I genuinely don't know yet.

So I'm still asking God for direction.

I'm trying to listen.

I'm trying not to force it.

And every once in a while I'm also asking myself the question I didn't used to ask:

“If God has already answered this, am I willing to hear it?”

Daily Effective Prayers Of The Week